This just gets funner and funner!

I got through college babysitting. I think I've mentioned this before. There was a sweet family that kind of took me in under their wing, and I grew very close to the children. They were very young at that time, 3 and 1, but already were showing what ultimately would be their personalities. The boy, eager to learn, energetic and sweet, the girl reserved and quiet, but once she felt comfortable she was all in. I learned many things from them and their Mom. She was middle aged mom married to a Methodist priest. She was an excellent mother to them. She worked part time, seemed to be balanced and happy. She always seemed to be working on something with them, puzzles, games, drawing, or writing notes.

The one thing that struck me the most was how much she incorporated reading into their childhood. There were lots and lots of books around their house and the children loved to be read to. There was an adventure in each book. I spent countless hours sitting in their floor reading a book to them. When the oldest was in early elementary school, I remember their Mom telling me that she read chapter books to him. This was amazing to me. The fact that she would take this amount time with her child each and every day was selfless, but the fact that he loved that time together was priceless. I remember thinking: I'm gonna do that when I am a mom.

Nearly 10 years later, here I am a Mom. I began collecting books before I was even pregnant with my first child and had hundreds of Little Golden Books from various yard sales and thrift stores. I will never forget the gift she sent for my first baby: 3 books out of the Dr. Seuss Learning Library. So her passion for reading carried on to me and my children.

I guess it was when Josh was about a year old, we began introducing a routine of reading a book every night before bedtime. We would sit in the nursery, in the yellow rocking chair and read books like "Goodnight Moon, The Going to Bed Book, I Love You This Much, The Goodnight Book and The Good Morning Book" At first I remember it feeling awkward, but soon he began to listen and turn the pages. Now I at ages 4 and 6, reading is an integral part of our bedtime routine and something they look forward to every night. Each gets to pick out a book to read, we lay on Mommy and Daddy's bed together and either Daddy or I read the books to them. Then a bible story.

When Josh turned about 5, he seemed to be having a hard time falling asleep at bedtime, so I decided to try to read a chapter book to him after my youngest went to bed. It was a way to incorporate some special time with just him in the day. He loved it. I thought at first he was just amusing me to get to stay up later, but after reading to him he would ask questions that proved to me he had been listening. Now he is 6 1/2 and we have read many many chapter books together. It has become a treasured time in which we both look forward to each and every day.

By far the most meaningful books we have read together has been the CS Lewis series, Narnia. We only started these this summer and we are on the 2nd in the series right now. I was hesitant to read these to him, worried they would be too deep, boring, wordy or I would lose his interest. In The Magician's Nephew, the first in the series of 7, there is a very moving chapter about the creation of Narnia. I can't even explain into words what it was like reading this aloud and thinking about God and how he created this world. I never dreamed that my 6 1/2 year old son would make the same connection, but I remember him saying "Mom! That sounds like when God created the Earth!" That alone was a very powerful and moving moment for me.

I am so glad that throughout my life I have had so many examples of great Mothers. From each of them I take different things...I'm so glad Laura gave me this example. It is a true gift in my life that I will treasure forever.

As we finished our chapter of the 2nd in the Narnia Series, "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe," last night, Josh got up from the couch and my arms and turned around and said: "Mommy, this just gets funner and funner!" His eyes wide and face lit up. My heart...was full.



books we've read: *The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, Alice in Wonderland, The Adventures of Buster Bear, The Boxcar Children books #1, 2, and 3, Superfudge, Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus, Junie B. Jones First Grader at Last, *Junie B. Jones Toothless Wonder, The Tale of Desperaux, *The Miraculous Adventures of Edward Tulane, *The Magician's Nephew, The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe, Charlotte's Web, Peter Pan

*our favorites

Big Strong Boy

Tonight, my 6 year old was able to turn my mood completely around. He's so strong and brave, as you can clearly see in his muscle picture here. But it was actually in a moment of fear that he was able to touch my heart. You see I had stomped up to go to bed after fuming over a comment someone made that I allowed to bother me. I was very forcibly brushing my teeth when I heard a little voice behind me say, "Mommy?". It was Joshua. "What is it honey?" If I'm being honest I was annoyed to be disturbed during my fit. "I was feeling a little scared and wondered if I could lay with you for a while in your bed?" I stopped. It suddenly hit my just how fleeting moments like these were going to become in the very near future. So I agreed and picked up a book for us to read together.

We read, "just in case you ever wonder" by Max Lucado. This book is a sweet reminder of how I will always love him and God will always love us. Josh was not surprised by this information, but he was comforted by it. He then told me how excited he was to be with God in heaven one day, and that he knew it was a very special place. I said "How do you know it will be a special place." He told me that God has told him all about it in his dreams. I said "Wow, you must be a very special boy if God talks to you in your dreams." He said "I am a special boy! He talks to me every night Mommy!" And he's right. He is very special. If I could stop and listen to the things God tells me every day, and every night, instead of fuming, throwing a fit, worrying or being pitiful I might hear some amazing things from God. Then again, He knew what he was doing when he gave me these strong boys.

The Moment I Became a Mother

For nearly a year we waited for the day to come to find out we were pregnant. We had followed the plan, saved money, payed off debt, done all the things we were "supposed" to do before having kids and we were ready. We'd been married for 5 1/2 years. It was time, but not on our time. We would learn that lesson over and over in this journey of parenthood.

On March 30th, 2003 (Ryan's 29th Birthday) I woke up at 5am. I was a few days past my period and decided this would be the day I would take the test. It would either be a exciting birthday gift, or another disappointing discovery. When I looked at the test in the prescribed amount of time and not a second sooner and it was clearly two pink lines, I was in disbelief! I ran to the bedroom to wake Ryan up and tell him the news and I couldn't even speak without letting the tears flow.

Fast forward 9 Months. A long 9 months with morning, afternoon, evening, and nighttime sickness. Forcing myself to eat, barely gaining weight. But still I was happy to be pregnant. I read all the books. Wrote down all the first and was in pure amazement of the miracle of it all. The only thing I really miss about pregnancy is feeling the baby move. It got me through many difficult moments of the pregnancy. That reassuring kick or roll would push me right on through to the next moment.

We decided we would not find out the sex of the baby. I had always thought of it this way and had several reasons why I wanted to wait and felt it would be best for me. One was that I was so worried about the health and well being of the baby, that on that 20 week ultrasound i wanted to totally focus on that and be happy about having a healthy baby. The excitement of it also was fun and kept me going for the pregnancy. But, it bugged lots of folks!

December 3rd was my due date. On Monday November 17th I had my scheduled OB Appointment at 2:30. I went right after a work. I had dialated to 4 and was fully effaced when I arrived and my OB sent me up to labor and delivery.

Things seemed to roll along smoothly. Water broke. Epidural. contractions coming. As they got stronger and stronger though I had several blood pressure drops and lots of nausea. It was miserable for a while. At one point I remember thinking "Can I undo this?" "How can I getta outta this?"

Finally we were on the homestretch and I started to push at 12:30, midnight. Well, we all thought this was going to be a 7 pound baby since I was nearly 3 weeks early. So, we thought it'd be a few pushes then done. Well that was not the plan of the baby. He wanted to start his life, when he wanted to start when he wanted to start. SOoooo over 3 hours later, many epidural adjustments and top offs, screaming, crying, throwing up in between....at 3:44 AM the baby was born. I will never forget the words that came out of my husbands mouth - "IT"S A BOY! IT'S A BOY!" I can't put into words how it felt to hear that from him. It was said exactly as I had imagined it. The first time I would meet my child, and hear my husband, his father announce his arrival. He was overjoyed! And so was I.

This picture was the first time we looked at him, and he looked at us in the face. The nurse was still cleaning him up. We were in awe of the whole thing. Amazed, elated and excited.

November 18th, 2003 at 3:44 am was my first moment as a mother. Joshua Ryan Bradley was 8 pounds 6 ounces and 19 3/4 inches long. And he's been a wonderful adventure since that moment.

I packed his lunch...

Yesterday was my oldest son's first field trip at school. I was excited for him. He asked me lot's of questions about it..."Will I ride the bus there? Will I be on a different bus than the one that takes me to school and brings me home? What will we be doing there" All very good questions. One thing that struck me though, was what he didn't ask: "Will I have lunch to eat?" Why did I think of that? Why did it strike me as strange?

There I was in the kitchen, putting his crackers, apple, chips, juice box and a special treat of pumpkin cookies all together in a plastic grocery bag. I carefully tied the bag and got out the post it notes and with a black sharpie, wrote his name, his teachers name and K (for kindergarten), then used packaging tape to affix it to the grocery bag. I used three long pieces of tape. I worried it would get lost. I got a sinking feeling in my stomach when I thought of what he would do if he lost his lunch. It was the same feeling I had as a little girl who didn't have a lunch, a pencil, clean clothes, a snack, money for the book fair...and on and on.

I can't help but think about those few little ones in our school, in our community, in our state, in our country, in our world who are forgotten. They are forgotten by their parents. The only people in the world who's sole responsibility it is to look out for them, and they choose not to. It breaks my already broken heart. My boys, have a lunch. I make sure of it. I pack it or ensure of it each and every day, and for that I am so grateful. Each day that I provide their "lunch" my heart is healed a little more.

Tabitha

2 of them...

They're beautiful if I must say so myself. Both healthy, rambunctious, energetic, curious, mischievous, sweet and silly. They're young yet, only 5 and 3. We've been through all those developmental milestones, right on time, right in step. The last 6 years of my life have seen such a change that it seems like two different people to me. These boys, this life change, has in fact changed me forever, for good I think, but it has been a long process, and will continue to be for the rest of my life.

I don't know why this question of "Why I had Boys" has been in the back of my mind. It didn't matter to me, at all. Society favors the girl I think, but in my mind I just wanted to have a healthy, happy family. To give to my children the things that were not given to me. And it didn't matter to me whether it be two girls, a boy and a girl, or two boys. It was in my mind a success if I could provide a loving, nurturing, safe household for my family. Now, being married 11 years, having kids for 5 1/2 of those years, I can claim success to this so far. But not without heart wrenching discovery and exploration of myself, who I am and who I am not.

This is a new adventure for me, blogging. I was introduced to it by two of my "younger" friends and it has crept up in my mind in the last few months. I like to journal. In fact I write to my boys in their own journals in hopes to share that with them one day. But this is for me. For me to sort out myself.

In ending I will share something that another Mom of two older boys shared with me just last week. I treasure these insights, as I feel I have no direction in being a Mom, especially of Boys. I had a sister, a dad who was not involved in life, and have had many bad experiences with the opposite sex (other than my loving husband) from my earliest memory. Anyway, she said to me, "you know, I think everyone should have a boy. They MAKE you lighten up, not care so much about the little things, be silly, laugh and giggle at nothing. They bring that pure unbridled joy right into your life and stick it in your face. Sometimes it is in the form of a bug, worm or frog, but it's there." I've thought of that a lot. Is this why I had boys? To push these things into my life when I wouldn't necessarily do it myself? I don't know. I do know that I am glad God decides this, for surely I would mess it up.