2 of them...

They're beautiful if I must say so myself. Both healthy, rambunctious, energetic, curious, mischievous, sweet and silly. They're young yet, only 5 and 3. We've been through all those developmental milestones, right on time, right in step. The last 6 years of my life have seen such a change that it seems like two different people to me. These boys, this life change, has in fact changed me forever, for good I think, but it has been a long process, and will continue to be for the rest of my life.

I don't know why this question of "Why I had Boys" has been in the back of my mind. It didn't matter to me, at all. Society favors the girl I think, but in my mind I just wanted to have a healthy, happy family. To give to my children the things that were not given to me. And it didn't matter to me whether it be two girls, a boy and a girl, or two boys. It was in my mind a success if I could provide a loving, nurturing, safe household for my family. Now, being married 11 years, having kids for 5 1/2 of those years, I can claim success to this so far. But not without heart wrenching discovery and exploration of myself, who I am and who I am not.

This is a new adventure for me, blogging. I was introduced to it by two of my "younger" friends and it has crept up in my mind in the last few months. I like to journal. In fact I write to my boys in their own journals in hopes to share that with them one day. But this is for me. For me to sort out myself.

In ending I will share something that another Mom of two older boys shared with me just last week. I treasure these insights, as I feel I have no direction in being a Mom, especially of Boys. I had a sister, a dad who was not involved in life, and have had many bad experiences with the opposite sex (other than my loving husband) from my earliest memory. Anyway, she said to me, "you know, I think everyone should have a boy. They MAKE you lighten up, not care so much about the little things, be silly, laugh and giggle at nothing. They bring that pure unbridled joy right into your life and stick it in your face. Sometimes it is in the form of a bug, worm or frog, but it's there." I've thought of that a lot. Is this why I had boys? To push these things into my life when I wouldn't necessarily do it myself? I don't know. I do know that I am glad God decides this, for surely I would mess it up.