"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love."--Washington Irving
Motherhood started for me 6 years ago and tears were frequent. He would cry, I would cry. This went on night after night along with many other now obvious signs of postpartum depression. Being on antidepressants helped with the crying and infact at times has made it hard for me to show emotion of any type.A few things will bring it out. The birth of our second son. Reliving painful moments from childhood. Arguing with my husband. Feeling like I'm not doing a good job as a mom or a nurse. Losing a patient that I am close to.
Sunday morning, I was getting dressed for church. I knew something wasn't right when Ryan, who was supposed to be getting the boys in van, came to the closet door. "I just got a call from
Kevin. Andrea lost her baby." My heart feel to my stomach, I became instantly nauseous. And the tears came. and they have stayed around as I have grieved the loss of my 4th nephew. All week I have relieved these last few months since finding out that Kevin and Andrea were to have their second child. The "I am going to be a big brother" shirt Justin wore the day they told us. All the updates each week Andrea would give me over the phone about how she was feeling, feeling the baby move and handling Justin while being pregnant. I could hardly contain my excitement as the week approached that we were all to find out whether this would be a little boy or a little girl. Only 5 days away, and we lost the baby.
Trying to imagine what mothers who lose their babies is heart wrenching. I can't even begin to fathom it. It gives me pause, wells my eyes with tears, and my heart with sorrow. I look at my two healthy happy boys, and I am grateful.
